وبلاگ شخصی زینب عابدینی

+ be independent, to find the missed love

She came to me and said, my son in law is like a zombie, I always see my daughter suffers from being with him! Her daughter was standing beside her, and was attributing her husband as a devil man who is not a perfect man, and has annoying behavior, and so and so...( there was not any harm or danger, nothing really significant in him to make me worried) . I said to the young lady, well what do you want to do? Do you like to stay and live with him? She said: I don't like to be this much annoyed, some of his characteristics are not bearable... and she started to complain and feel how she is far from a pampering mom who always makes her positive and joyful moments bolder as possible, and the feeling that her husband is not such a pampering and caring and soft person. I said, well, this is the time to stop gossiping and take action! Her mom said what action? ( very courageously), I said to the young lady, now what do you want to do? she was uncertain. I said may be you are thinking about divorce! she wiped her tears and said, NO! I am thinking to change him! I said change him with somebody else? :) She said No! to change his personalities? (Her mom was not positive, she was admitting that they should use something to threaten the man to be as they want him to be!) the lady was very dependent mentally to her mom till that moment, as soon as I asked her this Question everything changed: I said, well, what if he wants to be the same man as he was during your dating time, the man that you loved to marry. What if he doesn't want to play the role of your mom in your life. What if he decides to be himself a man with many positive attributes who attracted you. when I mentioned the divorce your ace showed a big change. You don't like to loos him physically, but at the same time you want him not be himself. Don't you think that you need to think about your marital life more independently? Her mom said waht do you mean by this? I said I want to see her alone next time. It seems that you are making her think more negative about her life! When you called her husband a zombie, she didn't agree with you. What do yo ulike about your daughter? She said: I like her to be happy and satisfied with her life. I said OK. Stop catasrophizing your assumptions about her life. Let her enjoy her life. Her husband shouldn't be the same as you. I told the lady to see me alone not with her mom. We worked on this case a few more sessions and they are living their life happily. The key point was a moral act of not sharing the negative side of her husband with her mom who maximizes them because of her love for her child and because of her personal preferences. and the technical point was helping the young lady to think and live as an independent, mature,responsible, and logical person in her life. She found the missing love finally. I share their story without revealing their identity, by their permission to help those who may suffer from almost the same problem.